To continue from the previous article about pre-ceremony decisions that are traditionally considered, there are also checklists that need to be taken care of with the selected venue. The next few things that are discussed in this article are decisions that need to be made with respect and consideration for not only between the bride and groom but also both sides of the families.

Task 1: The Officiant

Choosing an officiant is probably the most important task. The person who marries the couple is usually someone who is close to one of the couple’s parents or someone who is special to the family. For our wedding, my father’s friend and a Chair of the Business Department at Korea University stood on the stage for us. On the big day, as most officiants would, he shared wise words and advice on what it means for a couple to spend the rest of their lives together and how to overcome hurdles in times of challenges in a married life from his own life learnings.

Photo of my friend’s congratulatory performance
Image Courtesy: MARY Studio

Task 2: Congratulatory Address and Performance

The couple also have to decide on whether they would like a friend or a group of friends to do a congratulatory address or a congratulatory performance for them. If the friend accepts the request to any of these, it is a courtesy to pay them or treat them with a nice meal to show thanks. Of course, they will refuse it at first, but as it is a tradition most will take out of respect. For our own wedding, my previous client from work who became my good friend sang a beautiful song for us. Both my best friend and my husband’s best friend wrote a congratulatory speech for us, each letter containing the memories we shared together and a message of how happy they were to see us find someone we love. In some weddings, the congratulatory performances are done in various ways, ranging from musical themes to pole dancing.

Task 3: The Music

Other things to discuss with the venue includes background music during the entire event, entrance music for the bride and groom, and marching music at the end. Depending on the choices of music, even a very formal venue can become an event with a casual and fun vibe. For instance, instead of going with the classic “Wedding March” by Richard Wagner, I walked the virgin road to Ellie Goulding’s “How Long Will I Love You.” My husband walked the aisle to a more upbeat song, “Another Day of Sun.” Our marching background music was a song called “Beautiful Day” by Urban Zakapa. With a little addition of contemporary music, we made our wedding a bit more casual and fun.

Task 4: The Invitation Design

Choosing a design for the wedding invitation is another process that needs consideration. While many decisions around wedding planning depend largely on what the couple wants, things like invitation designs and lunch menu need to be discussed with both sides’ parents. The invitation is the first image that potential guests will see for the wedding. It may reflect the mood or tone of what event they will see on the big day. Sometimes parents wish to go more formal and graceful, unlike their son and daughter who want to go with a more funky design. I had a friend who handmade her own wedding invitations to be shaped like a blazer because she was marrying a man who was a designer. She filled the inside of the jacket shaped origami with fragrance pearls so her guests could enjoy an invitation that was different. On our own, we ended up requesting two invitations; one was a more classy and traditional invitation for our parents’ guests and the other was designed with a photograph of my husband and I looking into each other's eyes, smiling and holding hands. The latter was intended to be given out to our friends.

Some people do not prefer using their own photographs in wedding invitations because the invitations end up being disposed of at the end of the day. For our wedding, we thought it conveyed the mixed vibe of both traditional and classical wedding that our parents wished to maintain and the casual and fun vibe that my husband and I wanted to provide.

Task 5: The Guest List and Seating

Finalizing our guest list was probably the most challenging for us because the regulations were constantly changing each week due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The number of guests can vary depending on the venue. We originally planned to invite 700 guests but ended up only inviting 300, many of whom ended up being separated in different rooms (each room of 50 people) watching the wedding through a projection monitor. Each guest was assigned a table to sit at. The seating was organized by different social groups I was part of. I also remember trying to place each guest close to someone they knew so that even those who came alone didn’t feel like an outsider or awkward. Lots of thought processes go into consideration for selecting guests and tables for seating.

What Is the Wedding Ceremony For Really?

Just going through each thing to consider before the big day, there are a lot of things that need to be negotiated and discussed. The reason why traditional weddings have a lot more checklists is most likely because in Korean culture, marriage is not just about two people living together. It means that one family and another family become one big family, so the wedding is a ceremony of showing and accepting each other as one family. Also, the wedding is where the two families come out to their friends and relatives that they have now joined the bride or the groom’s family. Since in Korean culture the wedding is very much about two families coming together and celebrating it with their friends, the style of the ceremony and many decisions made in preparation for the ceremony are considered as such. Parents' opinions and thoughts on checklists like guest lists, meals, and invitations have to be taken into consideration. The bride and grooms cannot ignore them and go about their own preferences. This is the largest difference between Korean weddings and Western weddings.

Next: Spoiler for What’s Coming Up

One of the most Korean events of the entire pre-wedding ceremony process is dowry. In Korean, the dowry culture is called “ham”. It's a day where the groom comes to see the bride (historically, for the first time) with gift-filled boxes which he carries on his back. These gift-filled boxes made of wood are called “ham.” In the next article, I’ll talk more about the history and culture of receiving ham and what it means.

To be continued…

Weddings in Korea: Part 2 Pre-Ceremony