Holland Embraces His True Self in “I’m Not Afraid”

Soloist Holland tells his story of facing and overcoming fear in his twin singles “I’m Not Afraid” and “I’m So Afraid.”

In “I’m Not Afraid,” Holland chooses to embrace himself regardless of how others feel and encourages us to celebrate ourselves along with him. He embodies the feeling of being carefree and unbothered in the house-inspired EDM track released on July 5, 2018. It was the first release of his “twin singles” telling two sides of his story of living as an openly gay man in South Korea.

The double title track was a summer follow up to Holland’s debut song “Neverland,” which was released at the start of 2018. Like his first single, “I’m Not Afraid” matched his ongoing theme of uplifting songs that describe the LGBTQIA+ experience, with repetitive lyrics that say, “The one who will untangle the knot is you. I’m not, not afraid anymore.” It also helped build on the growing interest around him after “Neverland” hit seven million views on YouTube and Holland was voted No. 1 on Dazed 100’s list of cultural change-makers.

After working with friends to film and produce his debut music video, Holland teamed up with the production company Sure for the first time to tell the story of “I’m Not Afraid.” The video captures the joy of a diverse group of friends decorating and dancing at a disco party for Holland’s birthday. Pictures taken by Holland on a film camera flash throughout the video, showing his friends loading up on drinks, smoking from hookahs, and covering each other in silly string spray. The night comes to an end with interracial and same-sex couples embracing each other and Holland sharing a passionate kiss with his on-screen boyfriend. 

Matching the song’s message of embracing one’s uniqueness, the video for “I’m Not Afraid” features a cast of people of diverse ethnicities, gender identity, and presentation, including South Korean drag performer Nana Youngrong Kim. In an interview with Rolling Stone India, Holland explained it was important for him that his videos showed affection between same-sex couples because “people need to get accustomed to seeing it.” 

However, since the release of both “Neverland” and “I’m Not Afraid,” Holland has fought an ongoing battle with YouTube and their age restrictions. Shortly after the video was released, YouTube slapped it with a mature rating and said it was because of Holland’s 15-second “prolonged kiss.” Holland quickly appealed the ban, which YouTube publicly admitted was an error, but it was still restricted in countries like South Korea, India, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Japan.

Unfortunately, the solo singer was never able to perform the song on music shows and had to rely on social media and international news websites to promote his track. Despite that, “I’m Not Afraid” racked up more than a million views on YouTube in 48 hours and has more than three million plays on Spotify. Holland went on to release the more somber and darker “I’m So Afraid” later in July 2018, describing his fears about coming out to his loved ones and feeling a need to hide his true self.

Sadly, in May 2022, Holland spoke up about a homophobic attack he experienced on the streets of Itaewon in Seoul, South Korea. The incident left him with bruises around his nose and left eye, and to add insult to injury, commenters under Korean articles continued to hurl homophobic slurs at the singer. In his selflessness, Holland said in an interview with Billboard that he’d prefer if the comments were only directed at him so that other LGBTQIA+ youth wouldn’t experience the same hurt. The attacker has since been arrested and charged with assault.

Holland continues to encourage and communicate with his fans through social media, and earlier this year assured them that new music is on the way. In the meantime, fans can see a new side of him as he stars in the boy-love web series Ocean Like Me on the platform GagaOOLala.

Edited by Erin Rupprecht